Key takeaways
Consent may mask coercion
Settlements can stem from exhaustion, not choice.
Domestic abuse, narcissism and disclosure
Withholding financial information tilts power dynamics.
Law must address unfair agreements
True consent requires equality and freedom to refuse.
In family law, we often speak about consent and agreement as though they are freely given but what happens when a someone agrees to a financial settlement not because it is fair, but because they feel they have no other option.
Increasingly we see people agreeing to financial terms simply to end the emotional and practical turmoil of separation. The stress of needing a stable home for themselves and often their children, coupled with a spouse’s refusal to provide voluntary financial disclosure can make settlement feel like surrender.
When one party controls the information and the other lacks the funds to pay legal fees to litigate, the balance of power tilts dramatically. These people often face the impossible choice between continuing an exhausting expensive battle or accepting a less than fair deal just to move forward.
For many the legal process itself can become a tool of control. A spouse who withholds financial information delays proceedings and forces litigation into prohibitively expensive territory, effectively exerting power long after the relationship has ended. The emotional exhaustion and financial pressure can often erode even the strongest resolve. We must ask whether an agreement reached in this context is truly consent or is it coercion?
In my work as a family lawyer specialising in cases involving domestic abuse, often narcissistic abuse, I often see a familiar pattern, with victims agreeing to financial settlements simply to escape ongoing stress and emotional exhaustion. The pressure of securing a home, legal fees, caring for children and trying to rebuild life pro-separation can make the thought of continued litigation unbearable. For many this is financial and psychological control by another name.
The withholding of information, deliberate delays and financial stonewalling are tactics designed to wear down resistance. The outcome? Spouses “choose” to settle not from a place of empowerment but exhaustion. If a spouse agrees to settle because they are emotionally drained, financially cornered and desperate for peace, can we truly call that a voluntary agreement? These are not just legal imbalances – they’re continuations of the power and control dynamics that often characterise the relationship itself.
As lawyers, recognising this pattern is vital. We have a duty to spot when “agreement” stems from manipulation, not neutrality. Supporting clients through education, strategic negotiation, and exploring funding options can help shift the power balance. When fatigue replaces freedom and control dictates compromise the law must step in and not stand by.
On occasion lawyers request that their clients sign a Disclaimer to confirm that they understand that their lawyer does not endorse the proposed terms because they believe they may be unfair. It raises a difficult but important question: if a solicitor feels compelled to distance themselves from an agreement, is it right that they continue to label that agreement as one made “by consent”? Perhaps there should be an intermediate category; a recognition that the agreement is reached through necessity, because true consent requires equality of knowledge, freedom from pressure and the ability to say no – all of which are often missing in these circumstances.
It also begs a wider question: should financial disclosure ever be voluntary? In theory, voluntary disclosure promotes cooperation and reduces conflict. In practice, however, it can lead to partners manipulating the process, delaying, withholding or providing selective information to maintain power. This tactic mirrors the coercive and controlling behaviour seen in many abusive relationships. The legal process becomes another arena where control is exercised, not through words or actions but through silence, delay and financial obstruction.
If you are facing separation or divorce and feel pressured into agreement by financial imbalance, withheld disclosure or ongoing control, you do not have to navigate this alone. Our team has extensive experience supporting clients in cases involving coercion and unequal power dynamics, helping to protect your position and restore balance.
Please get in touch with our specialist Family and Relationships team.
